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This is simple. Just a list of issues performed either knowingly or unknowingly
by what appear to be inconsiderate, mal-adjusted, self-centered, rude,
smack-em-in-the- back-of-the-head- with-an-oak-stick- if-they-do-that-again
morons. To wit: |
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| Zounds! | |
| There are idiot motorists out there who have sound systems
capable of SPL's which can distort the actual physical ear drum. Go figure.
These idiots are sitting in an enclosed space where air is modulating with an
intensity which exceeds the human ear's ability to linearly translate air
pressure fluctuation into the neural impulses we perceive as sound. It may be
the finest auto sound system in the county with audiophile spec's to prove it,
but it doesn't matter if your system isn't distorting - it's so loud that
your ears are! The upside is that Mr. Subwoofer will soon lose both his
hearing and therefore his driver's license. Corollary: the zippos who stand in front of the speaker columns at concerts. In my past life I had worked many concerts, either through catering (Buffalo, NY 1976-1979) or radio (Rochester, NY & Washington DC 1989-1992). About the only good thing about being backstage at a concert is the lack of noise and crowds. Which brings us back to sound. I've worked shows where I've seen zitheads standing in front of the stage not four feet away from sub woofers. I was standing about ten feet away. When I looked down at my shirt, I could see it jump to the beat from the enormous amount of air being shipped my way. For an experiment, I pulled out one of my 40dB earplugs for a few seconds. Without the hearing protection, my ears distorted to the point that I could not make out which song Aerosmith was pounding out. It wasn't even possible to make out chord changes. I quickly reinserted the plug and returned backstage. From the twenty or so seconds of unprotected listening I had experienced, my right ear was ringing (and did so for half an hour afterwards). Those freakin' mongoloids at the speakers listened to the whole concert. Unprotected. Ouch. What's hilarious is they paid to see the concert, but never even really heard it. Maybe they're the sphincters who have the 800 watt car sound systems. Like other deaf people, they can only listen to music by feeling the sub-150 Hz beat.
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| Political Mailings | |
| I'm sure I could get myself into a lather about these,
but I've little to say here. I throw them out as soon as I get
them. Apparently most of our candidates are so out of touch
that they think that we read the dreck and believe it. HA. | |
| Dear Magazine Publisher: | |
| I refuse to look at the contents of any blow-in card I receive with
my periodicals. They suck, I hate them, I throw them right out without
looking at them. I don't even use them as bookmarks. | |
| Drive Me Nuts | |
| Expressways are expressly one way. You traverse thuways through one
direction. And for a simple reason. To stay alive. Now why can't this simple
concept get across to the seething torte-heads who pass their exits then
blithely pull over to the shoulder and then drive backwards several hunderd
feet to their
intended exit! Hey, buttwipe, nothing personal, but the rest of us drivers
are veering into the far left lane to avoid you. Why? Because you're an idiot! I don't think there's a better way to create an accident. What's wrong with going to the next exit and doubling back? Oh, I'm sorry. You're the only bright star in your little universe. Well, welcome to Earth and learn to share it responsibly.
Corollary: Probably the same jerks, but how little oxygen is getting through
to the brains of the schmuckleheads who drive busy streets at one quarter speed
looking for an address? Again, what's wrong with driving by, getting an idea
of where the address is and then doubling back? Don't dangerously inconvenience
dozens of motorists while your feeble skull stuffing attempts navigation.
Better yet, stay off the road.
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| Kettle? Pot? Black? | |
| If you smoke cigarettes, you are disqualified from commenting on anyone
smoking a cigar. Unless it really, really, really smells like a turkey
fart. You're a ninny if you try otherwise. | |
| If X is X, Then Y Can't Ever Be X | |
| Ever notice that some radio and TV
announcers really don't pay attention? How often
have you heard (or seen) on-air talent give a weather report
and annoyingly announce the forecast high or low
temperature for the day, and then immediately discredit their weather report by
announcing a high or low temp which exceeds the weather report they just
read?
In TV Land, it's funny to see the high and low temps on screen in
big letters and the "meteorologist" reads a total left field
set of numbers. PAY ATTENTION! It's that simple.
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| Dear Magazine Publisher (Pt 2): | |
| Please don't make the magazine I paid for smell like a whorehouse by inserting
cologne samples. Corollary: If a department store employee sprays a cologne sample on me, a good spelunker will need to spend three days with you to find where I shoved the bottle. You just watch it with that stuff.
Corollary Corollary: If anyone can smell your cologne/perfume from more than
three feet away, what in the hell were you thinking when you decided to soak in
that crap overnight? A scent on a person is to be a nuance, a very
personal message to someone close... not a flashing Las Vegas billboard proclaiming,
"So maybe I didn't shower today and I'm simply covering up an embarrasing
array of personal odors." Phoo. Yuk. | |
| Miss Manners | |
| Why do people no longer RSVP? Jeez, it means
"please respond"... | |
| Retail, Schmeetail | |
| If a store stocks an item on a shelf, the &#$&* price better be right &$*@# next to the item in question! | |
| Grrrr.... | |
| I hate it when my scotch runs out before I get to ftp my latest drivel onto the net. | |
Yes sir. Please piss me off with more of your caustic digital ink.
Naw, on second
thought, take me to the Na
Zdarovya!